Jag skriver det här på en Ålandsfärja. Utanför ligger isen i uppspruckna ojämna flak. Ibland så tätt att de nästan smälter samman. Ibland med stora hålrum emellan.
Den ser så tunn ut.
Skriver för hand. Bläck och block.
Alltid glömmer jag hur få eluttag det finns på de här båtarna.
Detta att vara i rörelse.
Hur mina ord ändå håller mig stabil och stilla.
Pennan som rör sig, musiken i hörlurarna, mina ord, och här smälter alla mina verkligheter samman:
jag är åtta år, jag är tolv år, jag skriver i baksätet när vi bilar genom Europa, jag skriver på hotellbalkonger i solvarm skymning som luktar cigarettrök från gästerna under oss
jag är femton år gammal och sitter i ett nedsläckt hotellrum i Beijing och allt som finns här är datorskärmens sken och de blå neonljusen utanför och smattret från mina fingrar mot tangenterna medan mina föräldrar och mina syskon är borta och badar i hotellpoolen men jag –
jag är sjutton år gammal och åker mellan Uppsala och Umeå om och om igen för jag har träffat kärleken däruppe och sista sträckan är det buss jag köper kaffe av tågvärdinnan, kaffe och nötter, jag sätter mig längst fram på andra våningen för att få se världen bre ut sig framför mig även om världen bara är norrländsk motorväg och fram med blocket ned med orden för jag –
jag är tjugo år gammal och jag sitter på ett hotellrum i Stockholm och knattrar på en novellsamling och det fladdrar i magen för dagen därpå kommer jag att vinna Lilla Augustpriset men det vet jag inte säkert än och –
och jag skriver.
Allt jag ser är öppet vatten.
Sugen på att läsa mer av mig? Här hittar du mina bästa inlägg.
Eller följ min Facebooksida eller Bloglovin för att inte missa nya inlägg!
54 Comments
Kom på en blogg som kanske passar in på det där du efterlyste i 925, du vet, när jag ville tipsa dig om din egen blogg 😛 ileea.wordpress.com En finlandssvensk tjej jag följer. Lite blandat där men lite samma skrivstil som du har!
åh jaa, tack för tipset!
Det här kan vara något av det vackraste jag läst!
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[…] Det finns annat jag känner igen mig i här. Jag månadshandlar också i perioder (i kontrast till att veckohandla, ett knep Erlandsson nämner i boken apropå författarekonomi som sägs vara knaper). Att koppla av efter att ha skrivit klart ett manusutkast är att storstäda. Att en vilsam dag kan vara en dag när man bakar femtio tunnbröd. Och förstås alla skildringar av ett skrivliv som är så Ålandstypiska – att lägga sig i gungan på Lilla Holmen, se upp mot skyarna och tänka. Att skriva färdigt texter på en färja. (Hur många texter har jag inte skrivit på en färja). […]
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[…] Smältning […]
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