Nettelblad

skrivande, böcker, resor. och tre små barn.

Sjuårsdagen

Idag har jag varit mamma i sju år.
Det är en lång tid – och ändå känns det så märkligt att det inte pågått längre. Jag är på många sätt någon annan än nittonåringen som satt med det nyfödda barnet i famnen och ammade medan snöstormen rasade utanför.
Ett annat land, annat boende, annan sysselsättning, annan inkomst. Ett annat sätt att föra sig, att tänka, att våga.
Men det är samma barn.

Ibland tänker att hon och jag genomgått en liknande metamorfos. Har båda haft grunddrag som man anade redan från början, där i begynnelsen, men tiden har fått förfina dem.
Det var mitt ansvar att hjälpa henne att växa upp från bebis till barn. Men på samma gång växte jag upp till den jag knappt vågade drömma om att jag kunde bli.

Jag älskar att ha en sjuåring. Som är stor nog för att skrattande säga att jag är pinsam när jag dansar i hotpants medan jag diskar, men liten nog för att ännu säga det med kärlek. Stor nog för att gå själv till kompisar men liten nog för att komma hem tidigare än vi bestämt eftersom jag saknade din famn mamma, jag vill få sitta med dig en stund. Stor nog för att bli förälskad, viska hemligheter i mitt öra för att inga syskon ska få höra. Liten nog för att jag inte ska våndas över om hennes hjärta kommer att krossas.

När jag tänker på min sjuåring tänker jag på vetgirighet och värme. Dragen som alltid funnits där men som finslipats genom åren. Det robusta omvärldsintresset, den skarpa blicken för människorna omkring.

Tänker på hur hon kom hem en gång, i sommarkvällen, och sa:
“Ursäkta att jag är lite sen, jag träffade en mamma med två bebisar, de promenerade på vägen, så vi pratade litegrann. Jag var trevlig förstås, jag frågade först om vi kunde prata litegrann, hon sa att det var okej.”
“Jaha”, sa jag, ”och vad pratade ni om då?”
”Bebisar. Barn. Hur det är att vara mamma, såna saker.”
Och jag tänkte att just det – hur det är att vara mamma, såna saker – kan jag prata om i ett helt liv.

Liknande inlägg:
– Begynnelsen

– teveshopsungarna

– Tiden T.

 

Föregående

Radarparet

Nästa

Tre böcker

21 kommentarer

  1. Åsa

    Så fint, jag läste din text och precis när jag läst klart kom min chef in, hon sa “du får gärna möta mig fler gånger med det där leendet” 🙂

    Jag funderade häromdagen på om det ofta är äldstabarnet som väljer att vara barnfri i vuxen ålder, ska bli intressant att se om hon bryter min teori!

  2. Grattis till er båda <3

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