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Blomma ut

september 10, 2017

Jag började prata när jag var nio månader. Senare började jag på dagis, jag var väl två och ett halvt, och var knäpptyst i ett halvårs tid.
Jag minns inte det här, men jag har fått det berättat för mig.
På dagis hade de något som hette “Dagens meteorolog”. Varje dag skulle ett av barnen gå fram till fönstret, titta på vädret, och sätta upp små bilder i filttyg på en anslagstavla. En sol, ett moln, en regndroppe. Berätta för de andra barnen, samtidigt. Idag är det soligt, på himlen finns några moln.
Fröknarna undrade hur det skulle gå, sen när det var min tur. Om jag bara skulle stå där utan att säga ett ord.
Och när det var dags gjorde jag som jag alltid gör, som jag har gjort sedan dess.
Jag satsade på överraskningseffekten.
När det var min tur gick jag fram som om det inte vore någon sak i världen och berättade om det där vädret med en röst de aldrig hört. En klar stämma, tydligt och rent tal som om det aldrig varit några svårigheter.
Jag hade ju haft ett halvår av att iaktta de andra i lugn och ro. Jag visste precis hur det skulle göras.
Efter det fortsatte jag att prata. Jag berättade historier för fröknarna. Ritade en bild och berättade om den, men berättelsen blev alltid mycket större än teckningen, sagorna vecklade ut sig till hela världar.
Förvånansvärt lite har hänt sedan jag var typ tre år.
Jag vill fortfarande stå och stirra i ett hörn ända tills jag kan, iaktta de andra tills jag lärt mig.
Jag är fortfarande alltid en överraskning.
Jag vet fortfarande att hittar man inget annat sätt, kan man alltid gömma sig bakom en god historia.
Det är lätt att avfärda människor som inte visar upp sitt fantastiska inre. På samma sätt som man avfärdar en växt som inte blommar. Den där busken är ju bara kala träpinnar, kanske man tänker. När den helt enkelt inte är i säsong.
Bedömningen kan man göra först när den har fått sin tid i solen.
Alla blir vackrare när man låter dem slå ut.
Jag tänker på det när jag lägger min son om kvällen. När han snirklar med fingrarna genom mitt hår och berättar sina sagor.
Hur oroliga vi var över allt han inte kunde säga. Hur fundersam jag var över all denna tystnad. Tills han en dag kunde säga jordärtskocka och gräsklippare som om han gjort det hela sitt liv.
Och nu berättar han sagor för mig. Om en krokodilpojke som bor i havet, det är lite synd om honom, hans mamma är död. Men hans pappa är så snäll, de äter kyckling till middag varje kväll. Och om dagarna simmar de i vågorna, det guppar så skönt.
Och jag ser på min pojke, i dunklet. På hans leende när han berättar, på skrattgropen, på hans glittrande ögon.
Fast det är mörkt är det som om han strålar i de starkaste färger.

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