sånt som inte får plats i andra kategorier


november 25, 2017
Jag vill bli uppslukad av böckerna igen. Fastna i andra världar i stället för jämförelsen med andra. Längta efter en bok när jag inte läser den.
Jag vill läsa om böcker med en tydlig ton, som låtit mina tankar formas av någon annas språk: Fyrväktaren av Jeanette Winterson. Diva av Monika Fagerholm. Jag vet allt det här av Annika Paldanius. Alltings början av Karolina Ramqvist. Blonde av Joyce Carol Oates. Schopenhauer’s telescope av Gerard Donovan.
Jag vill hitta nya berättelser som ger mig samma sak.

Jag vill vara den mamma jag borde vara och inte den jag är.
Den som alla dessa fina ungar förtjänar.
Stadig och enkel, självuppoffrande men aldrig självömkande.
Den som aldrig skulle strunta i att torka smulorna från bordet för att hinna skriva en text.
Den som aldrig har tankarna på annat håll för att tankar flyger i tusen riktningar bara man släpper dem fria,
den som är scenbakgrunden för barnens föreställning, inte en egen himla show.
Någon som alltid håller handen och lyssnar med hela sin varelse
som aldrig glömmer
att packa mössan
till dagis.


Jag vill skriva.
För att det är vad jag alltid gjorde, vad jag alltid har gjort –
i bilen på bussen om natten om somrarna långa ändlösa julidagar på altanen i mitt barndomshem när jag försökte skriva romaner medan mina jämnåriga upptäckte ungdomen
för att det gick månader ibland, en gång ett år, när jag inte skrev.
Och när orden väl kom ut var de en explosion. Stjärnfall och kometer och raketer och evigheter, det var klyschor på hög, berättelserna stockade sig, kom ut i fragment, de ville välla ut allihop på en och samma gång.
Det var dåliga texter, för orden var famlande och ovana, och varje gång tänkte jag:
nästa gång väntar jag inte så länge igen.
Och jag vill känna att det är tillräckligt.
Att det räcker med viljan och ambitionen.
Att man kan få sikta mot stjärnorna och landa i trädtopparna utan att känna att det är en raket som kraschat.
Att få strunta i det där de säger, att nära skjuter ingen hare,
få tänka att
kanske måste haren inte dö.

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  • Reply Sofia november 25, 2017 at 11:28 f m

    Dina texter träffar mig alltid på ett alldeles speciellt sätt. Tack för att du skriver. <3 (om det är något en får skriva på en text om att inte skriva, men jag tror du förstår vad jag menar)

  • Reply Christin - Midis november 26, 2017 at 4:13 e m

    Hej, va fint att ha hittat hit. En alldeles speciell och fin blogg du har!

  • Reply Anonym november 30, 2017 at 2:15 e m

    Vad fint du skriver! Du har verkligen gåvan att kunna skriva på ett intresseväckande sätt. Fortsätt att skriva.

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