Stjärnpojken

 
Dina systrar, din pappa och jag. I bilen, om morgonen, på väg till dagis.
Någon bråkar om vilken radiokanal vi lyssnar på, någon berättar om en dröm från natten, någon syster kittlar en annan.
 
Och du, tyst. Med blicken ut genom fönstret.
Och så plötsligt – din klara röst, din liksom ensamma röst, den som kan tala så högtidligt.
Apropå ingenting särskilt alls. Som om våra samtalsämnen inte riktigt bekommer dig:
Jag ser månen. Den åker med oss.
 
Jag vet inte vad jag ska svara dig.
 
 
 
 
Senare, en eftermiddag, du sitter i mitt knä.
Dina fingrar, i mitt hår.
Vänder upp mörka stora ögon mot mig och berättar att din farfar är månen, farmor är solen.
Storasyster är regnet och lillasyster är vinden.
Och sedan, sedan tar du min hand som om det är viktigt, men du ser inte längre på mig, du håller sällan min blick så länge. Du möter inte alltid blickar.
Och säger:
Men vilket väder är vi, mamma?
Vilket väder är du och jag?
 
Sedan, som en viskning. Till ingen särskild alls.
Som om det bara var en av alla historier som cirkulerar genom universum utan en specifik mottagare.
Kanske är vi bara stjärnor. 
 
 
 
Och älsklingen, du är väl som en stjärna.
Ibland lyser du så starkt och så klart att det känns som du är alldeles intill.
Och ändå är du så långt ifrån mig.
 
Det finns väl fakta om stjärnor som är svåra att förstå, som kräver fysikers komplicerade formler för att beräknas och kunna berättas.
Om hur fort ljus kan färdas. Hur planeter föds och dör och explosioner och implosioner bildar existenser.
 
På samma sätt finns det väl sanningar om dig som jag inte har räknat ut än.
Du är ett alldeles eget exemplar, det är vi väl alla, men kanske från ett ovanligt avlägset solsystem.
 
Alla gånger jag inte förstår dig, fast det så uppenbart är något du verkligen ville berätta.
De är för att jag inte hunnit till den delen av himlavalvet ännu.
 
Men stjärnan.
Idag fyller du fyra år.
 
Det är ju faktiskt ingen ålder.
Ännu har vi all tid i universum.
 
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22 kommentarer

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